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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Open wide and say, Ahhhhhh...the day after this time tomorrow I'll have my sassy pants on

I can't believe I'm smiling about this... Well it isn't a "toofy" grin but it will be. And it is smiling after my visit to the dirty word... errrr... I mean dentist. It could be the nuclear powered drugs he sent me home with to take before I go back on Thursday. Yes... I'm going back AND I'm smiling about it. NO I haven't taken the drugs yet...

I am in shock how technology has evolved and even more surprised how "compassion" in dentistry has evolved. I am giggling so much right now that my cat, Opie Taylor, just gave me a dirty look and jumped off the couch in disgust. He usually thinks I'm funny....wonder if he's going to check to see if I already took my pre-procedure meds... Honest, I didn't....

My new dentist is probably about 12 years old. Nahhh...I take that back. He's probably in his late teens. Nahhh...he just looks really, really young. Point is... he is so different from my first dentist, DR. Freddy Kruger Cranky Pants, Dentist from Hell. The torture that man was allowed to inflict upon people was inhumane, and upon helpless children was even worse. That fear has lingered with me all these years.

Here's something I've shared only once or twice in my entire life.

I remember standing beside my grandmother looking over her shoulder at the Obituaries in the newspaper, and seeing our dentist's (non-smiling) face in a photo above the announcement of his death. He had died suddenly of a heart attack. The only thing that came to my mind in that moment was, "Good. I'm glad he's dead." I surmised on that day I heard our dentist had died that he deserved it, and his own anger had killed him--simple as that. How does a nine year old reason or rationalize something as huge as that?

It felt like I'd said it out loud, and I looked around to see if anyone heard me. That's how loud, and angry, thoughts can be especially when you've been forced to shut up and take abuse. That's what he screamed at me one time when I told him he was hurting me. He stood over me like a beast, and leaned down inches from my face, spitting on me as he shouted "Shut up! And stop moving away from me in that chair or I'll give you something to squirm about!" All I saw was two eyes filled with blistering rage, and his manly-sized hand wrapped so tightly around the drill his knuckles were drained entirely of blood. His other hand was squeezing my shoulder like a ripe orange. What small child wouldn't have wanted a monster like that to go away--forever.

The guilt I felt thinking those ugly thoughts were enormous. Today I realize it was probably what every young child who'd ever sat in his chair thought upon learning of his death. Nor could I as a child of 9 stop his voice from raging inside my head. This beast was allowed to torture me and my sisters like a madman with NO compassion or Novocaine and he deserved to die, or so said my child heart.

It's no wonder I have been remiss about going to see a dentist...until my tooth broke off in my mouth and its chunky grit, and gaping hole became bigger than my fear. I called 9458 dentists to see if any of them would knock me out cold even to have my teeth cleaned until I found one nice receptionist who convinced me it was safe to come in by mentioning "oral sedation".

Perk... My ears went perk-ity-perk... like little elfin points on the sides of my head.

"Oral sedation?" I asked as if I'd been offered a trip to the moon. "Even to have my teeth cleaned? I can't stand any noises, smells, drills.... I'm serious. I can't stand anyone even scraping my teeth. I'm a total wuss. I'm a baby--a big baby." I babbled like that for ten minutes.

"Yes," she assured me each time I came up with a silly protest or explained my wussiness over, and over, and over again... Next thing you know I made an appointment. Holy Crap. WTFrap happened to my firmness about not going to a dentist.... Two little words. Oral Sedation.

I was so full of angst from the time I hung up the phone until the day of my appointment. Poor Superman. He had to drive me there. Top off an already overflowing sundae of wussiness with a heaping mound of PTSD, and that adds up to the ride from hell for anyone. My phobia of being in a car on the freeway, and going to a dentist who may extract a tooth, or grind it down to a nub.... Oh baby, the wheels of torture inside my head were spinning like Linda Blair's head in the Exorcist.

I walked inside the dentist's office, sat down on a chair and started crying. The tears ran down my cheeks. My precious Superman never once treated me like a disease, or a "hormonal blubbering basket case"... Or acted like he didn't know me when I jumped five feet off my chair when I heard a blast of air from one of the exam rooms. He came with me inside the exam room when they called my name.

The entire staff, treated me with respect, tolerance, and kindness. My broken tooth can be fixed as a cavity. They will remove the three old metal fillings I have and will clean up any decay before refilling. They are cleaning my teeth. All while under the influence of a mammoth sized doggy downer. Just kidding but it is a powerful pill that will help me sleep through the entire thing or just not give a rip. Plus a pill the night before to help me sleep like a baby.

Sah-weet-sassy-molassy! I'm going to the dentist Thursday. WOW~~~I'm really smiling. Oh and Superman will definitely be driving that morning. Geez let's hope so.... I'll be loaded out of my mind and far, faraway from any monsters, any ghosts and any old notions of the old dentist-- what's his name???


  1. Wow, your childhood dentist was really extreme! No wonder you didn't want to go. I have a tooth that's been broken forever and I won't go either, so good for you! Now what's this guy's number? lol

  2. I will be with you in spirit, lay back and dream about that time you kayaked with Kurt Russell. I also had the dentist from hell as a child and to make it worse, he was a friend of the family. He also died of a heart attack, maybe there is justice in that. Now that you have discovered that you can get drugs I may find a dentist. If I can have the drugs, I will go. Good luck and sweet dreams. Anne

  3. See! I told you so! Sounds like you found a great match. It took me years to get over the quack! Don't be hard on yourself for your childhood thoughts. They are simple and pure. He sounded like a horrid man! He threatened you! Your not supposed to miss him.

    Superman, on the other hand, sounds wonderful!

  4. I had my eyeteeth pulled when I was like 12 because there wasn't room in my mouth for my teeth, anesthetic wore off, dentist said it couldn't have, my roots were long, thus I didn't go to the dentist much after that except to have em pulled if they got really bad. I can sympathize completely, good for you for going and finding a compassionate one, I did too!

  5. Blimey. No wonder you didn't want to go.
    I wish my dentist would let me sleep ... although his jokes are pretty boring ...

    Anyway, I'm glad you feel comfortable with the young'un.

  6. This is a very humorous post story. Do we ever forget our child hood dentist .Mine was Dr. Baker.I can not even begin to remember any of the dentist I have been to over the years, but I remember DR. Baker

  7. Hello and congratulations are in order! You must know you got some PTSD from your childhood experiences at the dentist! I'm so glad you have found a dentist you trust, as that is so important. I hope Doogie Houser dentist keeps you coming back for checkups, etc. I'll be looking forward to see the toothy grin in the future! Oh, and you might end up like me now...the only thing you'll be afraid of at the dentist is the COST!

  8. OMG!! You poor girl!! Dentistry is an experience not to be missed now. Many docs use this method. It's very scientific! You will be in dreamland and when you emerge you will feel great! Go to sleep, open your eyes one second later and the nurses are there, cooing softly to you, "You're all finished. You can go home now." I applaud you for your bravery in taking the first step in going to make the appt. The rest of the procedure is a piece of cake or ice cream or both! Good luck! :D

  9. wow the ghost picture makes me scare. =X
    nice blog. =D
    nice to know u, lady... =D

  10. ~~John...
    Doogie Houser!! Yes! That is exactly what I got in my new cutie dentist. Progress and history is being made. I'm calling a my dentist a cutie not an azzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ummmm never mind...

    Yes, you have a great point about the PTSD and this experience. Maybe this will be a turning point by facing this monster fear. I think I will wear my sassy high heels to take step forward facing this old ghost head on!

    Just remind me to take them off after the drugs begin to work...could get ugly and cause someone else to experience PTSD watching me stumble and fall face down in my heels....

  11. ~~Sunflower...
    Oh thank you for such a dreamy comment. And for the greatly appreciated encouragement! I was just wondering about something.... Can you snore when a dentist has his hands in your mouth??? Lord I hope not... Opie Taylor sez I snore sometimes. I think he's just messin' wiff me....that rascally cat. Lord, I love him. OK not gonna worry about the snoring part...

    I'll focus on the waking up and having the prettiest toofs in the galaxy!
    Huggzzzzzz, Sunflower!

    Yes, that image of Linda Blair (Oh crap... you were talking about "that" picture, right??? not the one of the lady wearing the pink ball cap???)scared lots of people. Sowwy. I didn't mean to scare you. But thank you for stopping by the tree house, Velo.

  12. hello! thanks for following me - I'm afarid my posts aren't as interesting or humorous as yours - but I am a huge procrastinator and perfectionist, so I look forward to a regular read!

  13. Hi Lille Diane,

    I also had a dentist from hell in Trinidad, turned out my dad was also scared of him most people were.

    He was an old drunk and he used to ihave a big glass bowl ful of chiclets chewing gums in white and pink in his waiting room for the children.

    Obviously guaranteeing him a good supply of future customers.

    Luckily we have a great dentist here who sings as he does your teeth.


  14. Hi Lille! Oh gosh, I'm so happy it went okay! I had a nice dentist, Dr. Hasegawa, who talked softly and I could have fallen asleep in his chair, as luck would have it, he had a burnout too. I was so sad because I've never found a gentle dentist like him since, nor one that looked like a 20 year old Jackie Chan!! I have to do what you did and call a kajillion offices once I get to PEI. You're probably zoinked out right now, hope it goes well in the morry!!!

  15. this post slipped past me somehow!!.. all I can say is!.... wow!... give me some of them pills!


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