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Friday, August 14, 2009

Jumping out of the Tree House onto a Trampoline of Dreams

I have always believed in the power of believing, visualizing, and that our thoughts do effect the condition of our lives. I also know it's hard sometimes for anyone, not just me, to keep energy moving in a positive direction. There have been times in this last 15 months since the auto accident that I've had limited vision or hope about my future, and wondered to the point of immense grief if I would ever be "normal" again or pain free, and, especially, emotionally free from the PTSD.

I've learned PTSD has affected me in more ways than "just getting into an automobile" again. It's nearly immobilized me at times from ever leaving the house again. Isolating myself felt more comfortable than taking a risk to go outside in the world where "something "bad" might happen to me. It all comes down to not feeling in control. And I hate not feeling in control. I fight it, and resist changes that I don't know what the outcome will be. That's why driving on the freeway can be so difficult at times. I can drive myself nuts worrying what those other drivers are going to do next to me.

But other areas I've become more protective about is my personal space, and I realized how important my privacy is to me. Many of you know I live on a beautiful lake, right on the water's edge. I have windows on 3 sides that overlook the water. Huge windows on an entire side that let the light in, and I can nearly see to China out those windows. Nearly... I can see an incredible amount of nature from here. It is like I'm on vacation every time I come home.

My life is about to undergo another change. At first, I felt this change was a cruel blow to my serenity, and my peaceful tree house abode. I share the building I live in with other people. It is a really unique, one of a kind maze of units, each one with their very own distinct layout and feel. I have the Queen's Castle, "The Tree House" [my name for it], the Penthouse. Everyone who walks in here wishes they were me. I mean that. Last month my very dear neighbors who had become like family to me, bought their first house, and moved away. I am still in shock they are gone. Happy for them but sick over them not being a few steps away like they'd always been.

My fabulous landlord [and I do mean he is the best I've ever had--EVER] was able to immediately rent their place which is directly below mine. The new people are smokers. Heavy smokers, and some other things I won't go into detail about but I will say their presence has tipped the nest right out of the tree house for Opie Taylor & I. We share the same venting system. They've been told not to smoke by my landlord [they are NOT complying] and even when they smoke on the deck, it all filters up [I should say balloons up, clouds up, fogs up] to my deck making it difficult to sit out there & enjoy the beauty of the lake.

I have worked so hard to stick to being a non-smoker having kicked the habit mid December 08. I'd quit right before the auto accident, too, but wienied out after a month. Then I was in the accident, and that made me smoke like a train going over the Grand Canyon with Thelma and Louise inside riding shotgun with me. I simply cannot risk breathing in someone's else smoke and being triggered every, single day. I've been heart sick about this. And for the first time since I moved in here, I do not feel like I am coming home. It's become an apartment, not my beloved tree house.

But this has led me to a new revelation. Change can be GOOD!

The real gift of being stopped "dead" in your tracks in life by an abrupt directional change you had no choice over, is that it can appear to be negative, when in actual fact it is the very thing you needed to wake you up to living your life. Really "Living" it. It is a sign I should not be trudging along in the same-old-same-old routine [ruts], and need to be "awake" to gifts the Universe is sending me. I am being called to new things, new places to accomplish my 101 Creative To-Do List, and move me out of the past.

I found a SWEET home in the country that sits on a hill. SWEET! SwEet! sWEEt!!! I'll post more on this after I find out if I've been approved to be the watcher of the sky on the hill over looking the lilies in the valley. Yes, there are lilies in the valley and lining the driveway leading up to my castle in the sky.

Who'da ever thunk it????

An unexpected shift from the Universe, that appeared to be the worst situation, may indeed be the trampoline, I get to jump on to kiss the baby blue sky.

I'll keep you posted!!!! Hmmmm, that reminds me..... I gotta get Opie Taylor a parachute so he can jump out of the nest onto the trampoline. And some goggles.



  1. Good luck! I hope you are able to move into your new digs!

    Have a good day!

  2. Good luck in your (hopefully)new adventure.

    Parchute....giggle, that is funny.


  3. Whew. I was absolutely crestfallen reading about the smokers who moved in, as I recalled the same thing happening in our tri-condo building when heavy smokers moved into the middle unit. But it had the same kind of kick-in-the-butt effect you had: we bought our house.
    A smokey environment is no place for a cat. You were great to quit and great to find an even better place to live! Congratulations; it sounds heaven-blessed and you deserve it.

    (Willow has gone into heat for her first time. She is miserable, and so am I with all the plaintive mewing. Think of us, because if she didn't outgrow her heart murmer - which the vet said is possible after one year - then surgery is a risky thing, and I'm not so sure I'd put her through it....)

  4. Sorry you have to move but things happen for a reason sometimes. I can commiserate with the stopping smoking, believe me I can commiserate. Hope all goes well and you can move to your new house without too many glitches.

  5. Thanks for following my blog, Lille. It's lovely to meet you here in cyberspace. And, oh yes, the power of belief. It truly makes a difference! I do hope that your move works out beautifully. Isn't life just amazing for the opportunities it presents?! x

  6. OMG your place is beautiful. I feel you ripped apart here but also excited about a new "view" on life. I hope you get your cottage on a hill. If it's as beautiful as the last place....please let me come live with you :)

  7. "They've been told not to smoke by my landlord [they are NOT complying]"

    I can't begin to understand why your landlord thought he could simply tell multiple heavy smokers to quit smoking and then trust that they would comply. I'm wondering if they're violating the terms of the lease. Since you anticipate moving speedily, perhaps there is no lease.

    I can but wish you happiness in your new abode.

  8. Nelly Sachs, once wrote: one who sits in the dark, lightens up a dream.
    How nice to see respectively read about your bright Friday. Allow me to wish you all the best.
    For a split second thought I saw a Chinese selling Green Tea.
    Please have a nice weekend.

  9. Funny how things can shift and it's not longer "home". But it sounds like you've found a lovely new spot to grow and blossom. I hope it's wonderful.


  10. I hope you move to this new paradise. Change can be good!

  11. I am so glad you're finally getting away from that situation. I'm shocked that you're leaving the tree house! Didn't see that coming. What an adventure!

    Every time you talk about those feelings (PTSD)I'm reminded of how I felt driving through 'malfunction junction' after my wreck. It was minor, but still... that's exactly how I felt - I couldn't control what the other drivers were doing and I was really scared! I'm so proud of how far you've come. You go girl!

  12. I wish you good luck with the purchase!!

  13. Sounds great! The Sky's the limit! I wonder if there will be a good view of the stars...?

  14. As a smoker of the past 48 years i will not comment on the tenants below you other than to say they are what they are and it seems to me that if they understand that smoke rises and the ventilation system is shared they seem fairly rude to me.

    But for the rest Lillie...well my response was posted before I read this on TWM.

  15. Saw you were reading and had to come check you out. Glad I did! Wonderful blog and fabulous photos! I'm so sorry about your car accident and the ptsd (and your new crappy neighbors). I had the same happen after a really bad one I was in about 10 years ago. Took a long time before I felt safe in a car again.

    I LOVE your parachute analogy. Good luck getting goggles on the cat!! :)

  16. Oh, Girl! How do you move out of such beauty?? I'm so jealous over the pics. But I've lived on a pretty lake in MN and had neighbors very close on both sides. Things got so bad that I had dreams Hell was directly below my house. Had to move and it's been OK. a good thing. Good luck! ~rick

  17. Wow, it's sad that they made you so unhappy but if it gives you the courage to move on, that's a gift! Good luck. *hugs

  18. I exactly know how it feels when someone/something ruins your peaceful is never the same again...I wish you the best in search of your new cuccoon...wish didn't have to though...your place looks heavenly...that lake is a gorgious view my dear :))

    That house on the Hilltop is a dream...very few people actually get a chance to live their dream...I wish you live yours :))

    Thanx a bunch for topping by my blog, followin' it :)) I'll be following yours Lillie :)


  19. Hi Lille Diane,
    Guess the saying evry cloud has a silver lining is true in your case.
    Look forward to reading all about your new home.
    Have a good day tomorrow.


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