Flying Dream--Part One

I had a liberating, vivid flying dream. Lord how I love my flying dreams.

Part One: The Flying Dream

I was in Ojai, CA with my son Jake & he had concerns about what his dad would think about his hair having a swath of lime green in it. We decided since his dad doesn't have a great sense of humor about body piercings, hawks, and tatts, that we would tone his hair down a bit before he met up with his Dad. I happened to whip a bottle of hair color out of nowhere, and proceeded to dab a "safe, neutral, mousy brown" on both of our heads. I didn't actually need to color my hair-- I'm just a Loreal junkie. One sniff of that peroxide, chemical blend and I gotta have it! What can I say? They can't arrest me for it!

So there we are, my son and I sitting in a bathroom in a Mexican restaurant on Ojai Ave we used to go to all the time when we lived there, waiting for his hair to change from chartreuse to blah brown. Tick tock tick tock... time flys when you're dreaming....

Exit Dream

Real Life Footnote: Jake's dad is battling cancer for the 3rd time. Throat cancer. He just completed a harsh round of chemo and radiation. Jake hasn't seen his dad for a few years, and his dad hasn't seen Emery, Jake's son, who is his only grandchild. His dad can't fly out here to visit--the flight would take a toll on his already compromised body. And no one could afford to pay airfare for Jake, Ashley & Emery to go to CA to see his dad. Until I received a letter from an old friend in CA. Do you all remember my friend, Pamela Barrett who wrote, 'Tales of the Titmouse'? One of the characters in this book, Penny, is the friend that sent me a Christmas letter.

I'm embarrassed to say the envelope sat in a pile of Christmas cards unopened for a couple of weeks. I was too sick, and too exhausted from the severe panic attacks due to PTSD I was having plus a bad sinus infection. It was difficult to focus on much of anything except trying to keep my mind above water. Finally I found a place of peace to focus properly, I began opening my cards. I never expected a check to fall out of the envelope written to Jake from my dear friend of 39 years. She had a small inheritance left to her, and set aside funds for Jake's secondary education. She said she thought a trip for the three of them to come to CA so his dad could see his grandson, and family was a perfect secondary education---one called Life.

Needless to say... We are all overwhelmed, and in awe of such love and generosity coming from such an unexpected source. The Universe does hear you, and does bring you what you need. Thank you my precious friend, Penny, for loving me all these years. Thank you Pam & John, for visiting Jake's daddy at Christmas. Thank you for the secondary education funds you provided for Jake, Penny. He's planning the trip now. I'll keep you all posted...

Part Two of the Flying Dream coming up soon.

Almost a Monk

A quick update on my status. My cell phone was suffocated and permanently damaged by moisture. Next time I won't use my bra as a pocket to carry my cell while hiking, and photographing the lovely fall foliage....

My power cord to my laptop took a swan dive with the cell phone, and I must bury them side by side. Apparently they mated for life while I wasn't looking. I guess they saw sparks when they looked at each other....

So that left me without a cell phone, and the internet. Oh that's not all folks.... My car was in for servicing, and the warranty company I have my car covered under never responded so my car was in the shop for 3.5 days!! No phone, no Internet, and no car. Monk Ville on the mountain top..... which is NOT a bad thing at all. It just made me aware how dependent I am on things, and the fear of being cut off from the world. I don't think our generation could have survived 100 years ago.... We don't know how to be by ourselves---and I'm not talking about holing up in your room with your computer. I mean being completely isolated from other people, and depending wholly on yourself for survival.

So Superman flew in with his laptop, his cell phone for me to use while mine are being fixed, and took me to pick up my car... PLUS he brought me an inflatable bed.... WHY an inflatable bed you ask?????? Why??? Why???? Why???? Because of this.....

In the midst of all this excitement came the BEST news ever. [no not the news that I could have become a Monk and crafted my "Ommmmmmsssss". While that is appealing, I don't look that cute in an orange tunic and a shaved head. [yes, I know that is a stereotype...just trying to make you yuckity-yuck a bit]

Here's the news!!!!

My son, daughter-in-law and adorable grandson, Emery, are moving back home. They will be in tonight, U-Haul and all. You all know how hard it's been for me not being able to drive that far to see them with my PTSD. Grand kids don't stay little so you don't get to see their growth, and cuteness unfold unless they're close by. And the times I've just wanted to hug my son, or hang out with my daughter-in-law, made me sad that I couldn't or play with my grandson. I've missed them so much.

They'll be staying with me until they find a new place, and this weekend we'll be celebrating Jake's birthday. He was born on Halloween 24 years ago. I was so ecstatic I was going to have a baby on Halloween, my favorite holiday, I nearly burst right there on the spot. I had a marker pen in my hand ready to draw a jack-o-lantern on my tummy to go to the hospital "dressed up" for the occasion.... but lost my sense of humor as things rapidly progressed. My little pumpkin was born with a stunningly beautiful head of hair in the most amazing color of red I'd ever seen.
People stopped us on the street or wherever we went, and ohhhhhhh'ed and awwwwwww'ed about how gorgous he [and his hair] was.

Now people do this with Emery. His Mama has a beautiful blog, "Sweetest Thing", all about Emery, if any of you care to take a peek. Much to my joy, Emery was born with his Daddy's hair. Click on her blog title and it will take you there.

I believe this is a gift. Happy Birthday to me! Oh wait.... I mean happy Birthday dear Jake!!!! Happy Birthday to you!!!!

TO-DOOOOOOO!!! This Time Tomorrow blows the finished trumpet!!!! Kinda like ta-daaaaa only better...

Here it is... the finished painting of my son, Jake.... Big sigh. Happy Happy Joy Joy

I'll have this painting completed by this time tomorrow

This is the painting I started a few weeks ago of my son sitting in Panera's glued to his laptop when Ashley, his wife, said, "Hey." He looked up and this was the shot taken on her cell phone. I instantly loved the feel, mood and expression in his face. I've seen this expression a 1000 times. I wanted to preserve it forever by painting it as a portrait.

I know it's not quite finished. It's Mother's Day. And this is my baby, my youngest, my third generation musician. The one who at 9 years old begged me to teach him to play the guitar. My father played with Hank Williams SR, Johnny Horton, and Hank Snow...all great stars from the 50's. Jake inherited his ability to hear something once, and play it. He inherited his ability to sing and write lyrics from me.

When he was just a little guy I saw he had a natural ability to write. I told him early on to stop whatever he was doing to write the idea, story, poem, lyrics, etc., down before it was swept away in the universe--forgotten. Oh... he used this one on me years later when I'd go upstairs to his room to see if he was doing his homework or why I still heard him up at 3:00 am. I'd find him hunched over his guitar, paper and pencil close by scribbling furiously. Sometimes I'd feel forced to do the Mom thing and say, "You should be doing your homework." Or, "Jake, it's 3 in the morning you have to get up for school in 3 hours!"

To which he'd always reply, "But, Mom, you told me whenever I had an idea or a song in my head to write in down that moment or I'd forget it." I could never argue with that. Never. How can you argue with creative genius, inspiration that comes to you when you're open to receive it? Certainly, not I. I'd smile walking back down the stairs, knowing I'd have a hell of a time getting him up in the morning for school. But I'd smile, nonetheless. An artist was following his heart upstairs, and there is no sweeter sound than that.

I'm smiling now looking at this painting because I know he is researching "something" to do with music online. Music is his passion, his drug, his art. For me as his mother, there is no greater Mother's Day present that to see her child living his dreams.

Check out his band, Eternity Lost.

The Universe is granting wishes on my to do list... I wonder what I'll check off this time tomorrow... it's just like watching magic unfold!!

Here's an update on the painting of Jake, my son, in Panera's. I'm enjoying this process. I can see him evolving before my eyes. I have already seen a few things evolve, come true, magically happen since I began writing down my list of 101 things I want to do.

Yesterday after our walk, Superman took me to my favorite place for ice cream. I had a hankering for their handmade custard... chocolate almond, and since it is only open seasonally, I had a severe onslaught of the "gots to have it NOW!!!" Oh my.... Two scoops of creamy goodness, chocked full of chunks of toasted almonds nesting in a waffle cone. Yes, it's an odd treat for a 5 mile hike but, hey, this is my reward system. And I am nice to me....

Here's a little (big??) piece of magic that happened late yesterday afternoon. You may have read yesterday morning's blog where I added items 41-50 on my to do list. One of the items on my list was to sing again. I didn't clarify the exact way in which I want to sing again. I just know I do but not in a steady 5-6 night gig a week circuit like I used to. I envision a band that works steadily, and from time to time would welcome moi to do a 45-55 minute set with them. I love singing live as much as I love recording. It's in my blood, and I've been without an outlet for singing (except for the concerts in my car or shower and a little karaoke every now and then...) since 1998.

My pipes are rusty especially mentally. A voice is an instrument. The more you use it the better you become. I have had an inner fear that I lost the ability to sing like I once had. I know it's like getting back on the bicycle again theory... but it's way more personal than that. I had been smoke free for over 17 years and for some stupid reason about 6 years ago I picked the habit back up again. I quit again this past December 13. (YEAH!!!!) My unspoken (until now) fear is that I muffed things up by smoking again. I took a breathing test a couple of weeks ago & was at the top of the charts. 97-100... Sweet! But I've still have been singing (to myself...) the "wondering if I still have it" blues.....

So, when I wrote sing again on my list it was a similar "goal, dream, longing, wanting to do" like it was the day I wrote down "take a picture of the muskrat" that swims so adorably in the lake by my island from time to time... The Universe heard me and took note of my written request. There I was standing on my deck taking pics of the sky when looked over and saw the muskrat swimming in the lake. I got a clear pic of this aloof muskrat. Sooooooooo.... back to the stop for ice cream yesterday....

In all the times I've stopped at this popular ice cream stand, I've always eaten it in my car or brought home a pint to devour while watching TV. Superman spotted an empty picnic table, and we decided to savor the wickedly, delicious frozen cream while sitting in the shade at a table. As we headed toward the table an attractive, older couple both dressed in crisp, white, cotton shirts-- he in black linen shorts and very tan skin; she with a light colored jean skirt, and shoulder-length, light auburn hair reflecting the coppers from the late afternoon sun--walked past us to order ice cream from the window. I remember thinking how nice they looked as they walked by. Before I'd reached the second scoop, they approached our large table, and smiled before sitting down to join us.

She began conversing right away. Her smile was infectious. Her words interesting. His undying love, admiration and full-on respect for her evident in every twinkle in his eyes, and posture. They were heading to the same place we had plans to go to after we finished our ice cream-- a popular, seasonal vegetable market. I was in awe of this when she told us. How coincidental. How small is this planet?? She continued on about their upcoming 50th wedding anniversary and how their 5 children, their spouses and grandchildren were coming in from all over the world to celebrate their anniversary. I could have sat there for hours listening to them talk. Hours... I could see they were both those kind of people whose lives had been lived, enjoyed, and full of life's rich nuggets to hold in your pocket forever as gold. I was hungry to know more.

They met in New York over 50 years ago. He had come to the Big Apple from the Canary Islands and was in his residency. She was an opera singer performing and studying voice. (Oh my... a wave of goose bumps crept up my sunburned neck...) For the last 40 years she told me she's been teaching voice lessons. Next she asked what I did (do?? as in an occupation) I told her I used to sing pro for nearly 25 years. She said, "Oh, yes, I can hear it in your voice. Your voice has many inflections, and moves up, and down freely. I would love to hear you sing" I nearly crapped myself with joy---and awe. Is it possible to crap yourself with joy????

Then she insisted I have her phone number and told me she wants me to call her. I never once felt she was chumming up business with me on the wooden picnic bench, chocolate ice cream now dotting the front of her beautiful, billowing white blouse. No, she was simply responding to the Universe that told her and her beloved to drive to their favorite ice cream place nearly 18 miles away. She listened when the Universe nudged her to sit down with us at the picnic table, and encouraged her to start a conversation with us.

She begged her kind, adoring, patient husband of 50 years go to their car to get a piece of paper and a pen so she could give me her number plus get mine from her. He happily obliged. He came back with only a piece of paper--no pen or pencil. She lovingly sent him back to keep looking for a pen. Superman got up, too, to search his car for a writing instrument. She then told me again she wanted to hear me sing. And finally, he returned, her love of 50 years, with a pen, and her lipstick... how utterly sweet is that? I knew in that instant I had to seize this precious, divine appointment. She trusted herself, she trusted me. She (we) knew it was an preordained moment in time to meet. "Call me!" she said, as if she knew the Universe commanded we get together to open this gift.

After exchanging our info, we left to go to the vegetable market. Our car two car lengths behind theirs, winding down the side streets to the market together. My heart was riding in the front seat of their car pondering what had just happened. We both pulled into the vegetable market to find they had just closed moments before. Superman parked next to their car and we rolled our windows down. I think we were more sad to not have some fun bumping our shopping carts into each others in the store than the store actually being closed. One more time I saw her mouth to me, "Call me!"

"I will." I mouthed back. And I will. I could use a good vocal coach to get my voice back up to speed.

I am writing this with a tear in my eye. A muskrat.... a voice teacher.... a to do list of 101 wonderful things I am on my way to completing in magical, mystical and monumental ways.

What's next? I can hardly wait to find out!

I wish I could be visiting this guy this time tomorrow...

Here is the picture of my son, Jake, I told you I wanted to paint in the first set of 10 things on my 101 List. Jake inherited an abundance of creative jeans... errr I mean genes, too. He is a musician (quite phenomenal if I do say so myself) following his dreams, writing, singing, and can play just about any instrument he picks up.

I want to take his newest band, "Eternity Lost" promo pics next time I get to his city about 3 hours away. Soon, one day soon, I will be able to drive on a freeway that faraway from home. Right now I cannot drive much farther than an exit or two on a freeway without birthing a panic attack. I'm working on it.... and will keep working on it until I can drive all the way to China. Hmmm.... better
put that on my 101 List. (joke, of course on the China.... I'd settle for driving to Cleveland or anywhere longer than 2 exits.... LOL)

>>>> Let the painting begin!!!! >>>>>>>>>>>>
I'll update my progress. FYI: The blues on his jeans look a little bluer in the picture I took of the painting than they actually are on the painting.

And the list goes on..... the madness inside a procrastinator's head

OK here's the start of something big. (if I can just finish it...) My list of 101 things I want to do.

It's not easy being me. But there is no one else I'd rather be. Creative people are the best. Perfectionists are the best. Procrastinators are the best. People who give stupid pep talks to themselves are the best.... Oh, ffs... just get on with it girl....

Some of the items on my 101 list I will blog about later. Either because the task needs an explanation or it has been on a previous list somewhere, sometime in my life. Or simply because this is a blog and what the frap else am I supposed to do BUT write???? This is where things get a little tense for a procrastinator. Will I actually finish this?? Oh crap. The pressure is on.

Here I go... one to do at a time. (I used to call it a "to-do-doo list"....)

• Create the ultimate artist's studio... or just finish the one I already have. I'll blog about this one tomorrow.
  

• Write daily. (looks like I will have to keep this one on my to-do list permanently)
  

• Paint the picture of the picture of my son, Jake, sitting in Panera's.
  

• Paint the picture of the picture of Ashley sitting in her closet.

• Paint the picture of the picture of the Topa Topa Mountains in Ojai, CA.

• Paint the POTP (Picture Of The Picture....geez) of Emery in the big chair.

• Read Eckhart Tolle's, "The Power of Now". (anyone else see the humor in this???)
  

• Paint the picture of Todd and Lisa's cats.

• Finish my draft of my book, "Six Days to Haight Ashbury."

• Create a children book on Pammy's bedtime story she told Ben and James.

Ten ideas. Ten things on my list... that should be enough for now. Ten ideas every day?

Yes, I am laughing friggin' out loud at what a perfect procrastinator I am....

Sigh. I'll finish it tomorrow.

Well, it's a start damn it! :-)