Online Classes

Monday, December 7, 2009

Not Weighting Any More

Good week. Great results, plus lost some of me along the weigh. OK the barium was... Ummmmm, shall I say weighty. I believe that crap is closer to being like cement than glue in your pipe-a-roos---gross stuff. But it was kind of fun watching it pass through my physical pipes on the "big screen"... Between taking X-rays, the tech pointed out what everything was inside of me as the chalky, white, alien, tar baby first lit up my esophagus, then my intestines, and finally my large intestine.

I twisted my brow in a knot a few times asking her, "What IS that??" Think about it. We don't really get to see what is inside us. We only see the outside, and inside is an awesome machine we rarely even think about as it functions around the clock....24-7... keeping us alive. Plus, I'm curly, and curvy on the inside. Fluffy. Billowy. TMI?? Sowwy...

Please note:
Being off of sugar can make you feel giddy... stoned like. So a lot of this ramblin' sh*t ain't my fault....

This is how I felt when I quit smoking cigs last December, too. I got a head rush when the oxygen finally hit my brain after my blood veins became unclogged from all the nicotine, and tar. Plain oxygen gave me a buzz. A whole new twist on being an airhead... Some of you who have quit tobacco know just what I'm talking about, and now that I'm giving sugar the ole' stink eye... I've been babbling back and forth to myself like Cheech and Chong in a 70's movie. I guess detoxing has its perks. Anywhooooo... where was I??

Something about weight. Let me think a minute. Oh wait it was about my pipes. I was going to say.... no one tells you how freaky it is to see barium come out the "other" end. It's white with a grayish tint to it. Pasty gray. I felt so alienish. For freaking days. Sowwy, another sugah rush gone bad. I'll clean up my potty mouth.

More weighty matters??? Yes, what was the weighty matter this week?

When I weighed in at the doctors 1.5 weeks ago I weighed 191 lbs. I can barely breathe after typing that. Now that is the alien in my body--the extra weight. Those lines around my eyes--aliens, too, dang-it! I look at myself sometimes, and can't help but think of that Bonnie Raitt song, Nick of Time" where it says:

"I see my folks are getting on and I watch their bodies change
I know they see the same in me and it makes us both feel strange
No matter how you tell yourself, it's what we all go through

Those lines are pretty hard to take when they're starin' back at you

Scared to run out of time

When did the choices get so hard,
there's so much more at stake

Life gets mighty precious
When there's less of it to waste

Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Scared to run out of time

I'm not here to have a pity party about "aging". I earned this right of passage. And I know for sure after going off that embankment in the accident I'm especially grateful to be alive, let alone any age, even if some people consider my age to be old. That inner "you" still expects to see "you" looking back...not that old girl-guy?! Friends, what I know is this;

I'm at a cross road in my life regarding my future health, and
I need to take better care of myself while I still have a self to take care of...

Most of you reading this are probably baby boomers. Right? So you may understand how I feel when I say I don't want to waste any time making some positive changes in my personal health. I have this wild child inside me that thinks she can keep eating bad foods, and get no exercise and not have any repercussions from it. I think it's time I told myself, "Girl, you got yourself into this out of shape mess and you're the only one who can get you out of it." I want to feel vibrant inside and look vibrant on the outside! I want my zest back!

Who doesn't want to get an instant skinny fix simply by reading that article about crunches in Absmopolitan.

You mean, "I gotta work for it? But...."
[But... but.... butt bigger butttt....]
I am the only one who can fix me whether it's losing 5 pounds or 105 pounds.

My weight loss goals have everything to do with feeling good, and having great health. Looking good, and feeling good about one's self are light years away from each other. I don't have to tell you that one. I have to tell myself that, and somewhere in the middle, I want a firm grasp on both of those. I had so many of you JUMP UP and say, "I'm going with you, Lille!!! I'm losing my fluff with you, too. I want more energy. I want to get in shape. I want to lose some poundage~~~


So who wants to know my weight loss this week??? I have news. Weighty News.

I do need to address one thing first though. I had to change my starting weight. I weighed myself when I got home on my digital scale [God, I love this scale as much as I love a skinny mirror in a lingerie store] and it said I weighed 188.5--not the whopping 191 my doctor's lying hunk of junk scale said I did. I weighed myself two days in a row to make sure I had a steady starting weight. Psssttttt.... We all know a doctor's scale makes you weigh as much as an entire mini van with 18 bags of groceries in the back seat plus a zebra .... or two strapped on the bike rack in back. Ahem... **cough***cough**

4.5 pounds. I lost 4.5 pounds!!!! This was not painful, people. I actually ate more than I usually do. My choices were better though. Cutting out sugar was huge. Plus no cream my coffee. I wanted to slit my 'caffeine filled-with-cream-n-sugah' veins just thinking of the deprivation of having no twins in my java. I got over wanting it in under 3 days. I am in shock! Coffee actually tastes good nekkie. WTFrappucino! Who'da thunk it?

A quick question for you.

How many of you would be interested in meeting here with me for 5-15 minutes for a live vlog? A little fun so we can put the wag back in our scally's. A little silliness and motivation for those of you who'd like to do this together. Just think you'll all get to see me 'weighs-ting away to nothin' before your eyes... and you will be, too.

A time suggestion might be good, too. Mornings? Noon? Afternoons? Evenings? More than once a week perhaps?? Mix it up?? Let me hear from you... Who's in and when?

[insert 3rd grade girl giggle here]


  1. Goodness! What honesty you have here, Lille! I haven't yet confronted the weight issue this year...I think I will wait until January! I don't want to ruin the holidays. lol What's a vlog? We have video camera's on the computer's...are you talking about turning them on? ha I have done it...but not live! Enjoyed your blog!

  2. Honestly? To hell with what I weigh, it is the same as when I was 18. Course if I could unbreak a couple dozen bones and joints I wouldn't mind.

    Tell me again about the color of shit...sounds like there may be some poetry in there.

  3. man!.. you've been busy these past few weeks! glad to hear your sugar junking is not getting the better of you. I often wish I had the ability to give up sugar, it's my one and only true addiction, a day without biscuits and I'm twitching and pacing and yelling at everyone, lol!

    it was interesting to hear about the colour of stools too.... it's never a dull day round your house

  4. such brutal honestly.... I love it.... yea it is such a treat to wake up one morning and realize that age IS going to get you too... I dont feel old yet chronicologically I guess I am.... and yea the weight word... you just have to love it... hit 40 and everythign just seems to take a screeching halt.... Like walking man.... I love the way you describe poop... like I said brutally honest.... gotta love it

  5. I'm with denial. I'll think about that after the holidays.

  6. ~~Cynthia... I have always been transparent. At times it's hurt me. But usually it's because what I said had truth in it. And as we all know sometimes truth has teeth. I need to be truthful with myself. I can blame a lot of this on PTSD, and all the hard, emotional & physical things I've gone through this past 1.5 years. But this is ALSO how I'm going to do the most loving on myself.

    Vlogging is a video/blog. Chatting and filming. I'm going to do it live. I want everyone to see me & use it as an accountability factor to lose this 40 pounds. Gulp. Stop in any time. Now. Tomorrow or January. My whole blog isn't going to be about losing weight. Just a part of it... Hugzzzzzz

    ~~Mark... I actually edited out the BEST parts about my poop. I guess I was talking some sh*t. I had to get it out. [ummmm literally...] bad caca when it's only barium. "gakk" Maybe I should write a song about it.

    ~~Sweet Watercats!!! My so bad. I haven't been to Ireland to see you in ages. I have to get out more! I'm so grateful no one is upset with me for being more interested in talking about my poo than leaving comments on their blogs.

    I am such a sugah junkie, Vicky. I nealry licked the pooter screen to taste your biscuit when I saw it... sigh. But I do notice a huge difference in how I feel by cutting back on it. It may not be necessary for everyone. But for is for me.

    ~~Mother Moon... I know weight is a heavy word. It weighs far more in our brains & in our head than it does on our hips. I had a partial hysterectomy this past Feb. I know it's caused my body to shift in a huge way. [literally] I have to face it now. Thank you for the kind words. I want to keep it real and make it safe to tell it like it is.

    ~~Eva.. I hear you, girlfriend. Enjoy yourself. These are only boundaries I'm setting for myself. January is a great time to focus forward. I love you, Miss Eva!

  7. OK, I've decided that when the Frappucino supply in the garage runs out, that's it! Several years ago I did the Atkins' and felt really great! I know the sugar is just a slow death...

    Hey! How about we room together? I'll tell Mr J that he can expect a skinny gal to return in the spring...

  8. ~~Lily... I'm game! Come on over to the Lily Pad & park for as long as you'd like to. I wrote a 16 week weight loss program with a journal in the 80's I called it "The Buddy System". Having a buddy/friend really helps. How will Mr. J
    handle you being MIA for 16 weeks???

  9. I'd love to Lille, but I can't pin down a regular time.

    Keep up the good work, girl. I know your struggle. Believe me, all too well, I know your struggle.

    Hang in there.


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