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Monday, January 25, 2010

Thighs Does Matter

There's one kind of robbery that's the worst kind of all. Oh it's sneaky, and if you're not watching closely, you'll lose your ass. You can often uncover the underhanded deed when you're standing in the check out line at the store thumbing through a magazine, patiently waiting your turn. Then BAM! The covert crime jumps up, and smacks you in the face! Literally...

Right there on page 72. You find a shot of yourself in the Victoria Secret ad but someone cut YOUR head off your body, and placed some strange woman's face where yours used to be! What really sucks is when you start screaming about this blatant form of thievery to the people standing in line with you--they just look at you like you're a loon, or a complete loser, even if you have proof you've been robbed. This has happened over, and over, and over to me.

I finally found a way to get revenge. FaceinHole. Look at my furrrrreeeeking gorgeous thighs would ya??? My face + someone else's body. A thigh for a thigh. Brilliant! I love the way my mind works sometimes... I'm not only taking back my thighs... I'm taking back my life!

I was talking to Superman tonight on the phone and told him, "I'm going to be living with Gusto this next year." I quickly added, "You understand I need him in my life right now! One day I'll live with you..."

I realized I'd let the cat out of the bag when Opie Taylor sauntered over, and meowed, "What about me??? I thought you were living with me!?"

Lord my frigging life can get complicated so dang fast sometimes. I'd just blurted out I was planning on having an affair to Superman and Opie T.

You know what Superman said???

He said, "There's room for all of us in your life, including Gusto." Opie just purred.

You see, peeps, I want to make 2010 the best ever. I want to take every step possible to conquer PTSD so I'll stop losing precious time being sick, spending long hours at the doctor's office, and the hospital like I did today getting my Echocardiogram done. Or the time it takes to recover from being worn thin by stress related illnesses. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!

I've been looking for my mantra, my word for the new year, my motto for 2010, my mission statement for seizing the moments I've missed while I've been blind dating Stress. I found it.

I'm living with Gusto
in 2010

After I came home from the hospital today I took a much needed nap. I had a lot of time waiting between phases of the test today to think about what I wanted to change in my life to make the quality better. So I decided to cozy up to Gusto. And it felt darn good. After being such a bold little tart, he agreed to move in with me right away. Pfftttt... No Pre-Nup needed.

So that's the thighs of it, peeps.
I've been living with someone else's head
on my body for too long...

I'll update you about the results of my tests as soon as I get them. Lawd knows I'm gonna need a good heart to keep up with 3 men... and a lacy pair of Monkey Pantz to show off my sessy, new thighs. Oh, baby!


  1. As long as you don't compare Gusto and Superman I doubt either would have any ego issues about sharing their tart in ace panties.

  2. LOL! Great always make me laugh! Does Doesn't Gusto have a brother Spunk?

  3. Hi Lille Diane. Terri Smith here. Popping in to say hello and to share a laugh over "Thighs Matter!" Your blog is the best! Your writing and the way you put things "even better!"

    Your return message to me days back, meant the world to me. Lifted me to new heights, is probably a better way to put it. I'm not real verbal about that portion of my life, but I was drawn to discuss it with you because it seemed somehow you had reached down into the secret parts of my spirit, and managed to write in words what I could never express. Yours is a true gift, and I'm so pleased you're sharing it with the rest of us.

    May blessings, peace and sunshine follow you always, Terri

  4. I love your atttitude! Do it with Gusto!!!

  5. All I can say is "YOU GO GIRL"!

  6. I echo the You Go Girl!!! I hadn't noticed them stealing my body but I will have to look.

  7. I'm going to try this face in the hole thing. Looks like such fun....

  8. Way to go girlfriend, you can do this! And as long as Gusto gets along with Superman and Opie Taylor there should be no problems.

  9. i went NUTS with face in hole!ha ha

  10. wonderful post my friend

    i am happy these days when i wake up and nothing has fallen off during the hight

    we managed to get the wee film up here is the link

    hope you like it

    love and peace from me and mel xx

  11. YES- I LOVE it!!!! Living with GUSTO.

    also- the website is HILARIOUS :)

  12. Oh, I wish we lived closer together so we could share him!

    BTW... nice thighs, Lille!

  13. Wonderful! Great post. I just found you via Byzantium's Shores.


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